What good would wings be if you couldn't feel the wind on your face?

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Dreamers Disease

My foot does not separate from the ground
I'm simply afraid
I'm afraid to fly to the sky
Because I'm used to the ground,
The sky is an unfamiliar place
Don't I have the wings?
Wasn't I a dreamer before?

------

Its as if it was meant for me to hear it. Early in the day I talked to a teacher and out of the blue (well not really, he was kind of interviewing me or something) asked me what my ambition was. It just struck me that here it is a few more years and I'll be out in the real world. My head started asking questions "What the heck am I going to do?" "Am I going to survive?" It was like an engine started working again. Reality slapped me in the face, it was like a hot coal searing through my skin, so I answered him the very thing I've been planning once I graduate. I've been planning to be a chef, not those chefs in Food Network ahahaha I'm not that ambitious ahaha just an ordinary chef, who, one day may own her own restaurant and travel the world. I'll be satisfied if I accomplished all that.

Time flies soooo fast, I remember the days when I kid around about wanting to be a chef and here I am planning to be one. Being a chef maybe my dream I don’t know. I've got to admit I have my doubts. The poem is unfinished there is another part but I can't seem to find it, the last part may give me the confidence I need to pursue my aspirations. You'll never know what you'll turn out to be. I might turn into the very thing I despise. I can’t plan everything. Something might happen for me to have a change in heart.

6:49 PM
Thursday, July 06, 2006

Challenge

Blah I started my AP class and it's as if I wasn't there at all. My mind kept flying. I love the fact that we discuss things but it's beginning to annoy me. It's understandable that we get loads of homework especially essays, I expected it to be like that. He just confuses me. He throws in questions, too many questions, during discussions that he doesn't wait for us to respond. It annoys me, big time! I didn't get his instructions on what to put on the paragraph that he wanted us to write. The good thing about him is that no matter how simple it is that you wrote; he makes it sound incredible when he comments on it. BUT WHY DO I KEEP DAYDREAMING?! Well it's not really daydreaming I just blank out, I just lose myself without any reason I don't even know what I'm thinking. This is a challenge for me ahahaha. I admit I'm not a very good writer. Thus, I am challenging myself to be an exemplary writer or a satisfactory one ahahaha. It's the second day so I'm hoping that I'll catch up. I'll edit this once I have time ahahahaha

9:29 PM
Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Star light Star bright

Someone once asked me why I kept looking up the sky; maybe because I rarely go out during the night and I would like to see the stars. My bed is beside the window, and before I go to sleep I seriously look out the window and look for stars. However, I can't see anything since the tree is blocking my view ahahaha. Hence, I look at the sky each time I get the chance. The sunset always amazes me. I always see it everyday since the sun is facing my window ahahaha. Although, it's making me go crazy these days since it's making my room very hot ahahaha. The afternoon sky reminds me of my high school days back in the Philippines. When we had the chance, my friends and I would go to McDonalds or this restaurant called Tollhouse. It reminds me of the clear sky and the breeze during the afternoon (including HFA's unique smell, If you're not a familian you wouldn't know what I'm saying ahahaha).

Oh how I wish to relive those days ahahaha excuse me for being so melodramatic. While the Morning sky and the crisp air (Because of the humid and smog it is very rare to breath in the fresh air) reminds me that each day is a new beginning. I haven't seen any stars for quite some time now. Each time I go out, I see four or five stars. That is very few if you ask me. When I was a kid my parents woke us all up and made us go to the garden, so we did and we saw shooting stars, it was magnificent. I think it is very unusual to see the sky full of stars. Because of all the pollution or the clouds or maybe it's not my luck to see the stars after all I rarely go out.

9:39 PM
Saturday, July 01, 2006

Collision

After going through my stuff, I found a little notebook in my closet. Inside it were quotes that I, apparently, got from "Tuesdays with Moorie" I can't say that the book made an impact on my life. It's a great book if ever you're looking for one. "All of us are afraid of being forgotten" I wrote down this quote in bold letters. I read this book when I was new here in the U.S. It might have made an impression to me when I read it. When I moved here, I felt sad and alone. I terribly missed my friends and my family back home. I was afraid that they'll forget everything about me. I suddenly thought did I ever make an impact on their lives for them to remember me by. I admit I was afraid that they'll replace me, after all we are all afraid that something or someone might replace us if we are not there to fill in the space that we used to occupy. Come to think of it some of my closes friends are still by side while some simply moved on. It's their lost since I'm not part of their lives now (kapal ahahahaha). We all have to move on whether we like it or not; some of the people in the previous section of our life might not be part of it, we still have to move on in order to live our lives (that sounded a bit old? It sounded like an old man said it ahahaha). That's enough drama for today ahahaha.

10:39 PM